Man… have “I” lost my way!

I fell off the wagon. I set aside the person I wanted to become and started to become the person that I used to want. I don’t know how it started or how long I have felt that way. It is so hard to explain. It is almost as if I put on one ofContinue reading “Man… have “I” lost my way!”

Depression: A sign for change.

If you have gone through a depression episode you will be on the same page as me.  If you have not, you will think you understand depression as a bad mood or worthless feeling, but you will never understand the severity it plays on your perception of this moment in life.  The further we getContinue reading “Depression: A sign for change.”

Become a better you

This is Earth. This is “our” home. Stop for just one minute and think about how you would treat “your” home. Our personal home is “finite” and this is easily grasped by glancing at its borders as one approach while returning home. “Our” planet, however, is not so easily contextualized. Think of the “changes” thatContinue reading “Become a better you”

The blanket of despair

It comes with no warning. Changes your aspirations and limits your ability to perceive a positive future. The now is too painful, the only escape is to ruminate. Distracting the mind with thoughts of the past only fuels the desire to expire. Many times I have visioned my death, sometimes quick and other times slow.Continue reading “The blanket of despair”

A Bipolar Dad: Why it’s frustrating to be me.

In November of 2019, just before I went on the cruise ship Harmony of the Seas, I made the decisions to become a daily meditator. I can not remember why though, no matter how long I spend trying to find it within my memories, I still can’t remember the reason I researched meditation. However, IContinue reading “A Bipolar Dad: Why it’s frustrating to be me.”

The day after: Using psychedelics to lift the blanket of depression.

For those of us that suffer from depression the analogy fits so well. A fog of perception manipulating filth blocks our ability to see the bright side. Instead of being encouraged to go out in the world and pursue our dreams we lock ourselves at home in hopes that the world doesn’t see our flaws.Continue reading “The day after: Using psychedelics to lift the blanket of depression.”

Career or Dad: Which is harder? Part 4

Now I really need to move on from this topic. At this point it really seemed like life was falling into place. I had a great routine down and was at the point where I would meditate for an hour some evenings. I was making dinner every night. The kids had a nice bedtime routine.Continue reading “Career or Dad: Which is harder? Part 4”

Nonsensical rant on depression

If there is no self, as in there is no you, then who gets depressed? Where does depression come from if we are just meat sacks with memories and intentions. If my memories make up who I am and my interaction with another person makes up my personality, who gets depressed. One day I willContinue reading “Nonsensical rant on depression”

Career or Dad: Which is harder? Part 3

So we left off at the lowest point in my life mentally. I have I ever had someone close die, I have gone through heartbreak as a teen, but never felt lost. This time I was lost. Everything that used to keep my mind distracted no longer held my attention. I do not know whatContinue reading “Career or Dad: Which is harder? Part 3”


Inspiration motivates me to get out the keyboard and start writing. Interruption ends that like a bandaid being pulled away from the skin. Every bit of me wants to keep going, but the grind of life pulls me away. I might not be a good writer at all and this might not go anywhere, butContinue reading “Motivations”