Man… have “I” lost my way!

I fell off the wagon. I set aside the person I wanted to become and started to become the person that I used to want. I don’t know how it started or how long I have felt that way. It is so hard to explain. It is almost as if I put on one of the masks of life and forgot to take it off. We are all actors playing roles on the stage of life, very few of us are aware of this and I believe those that are may sometime forget this fact as well. My journey might of taken a detour, but I am back on the right track now.

I have put journaling software on my computer, started tracking my habits again, and have recommitted to meditating daily. I want more control over my life. The addiction to this idea of success or the abundance of entertainment has swallowed me whole. I have been so completely unaware of my own autopilot recently that I have completely forgotten who I am again. I spent money on a device that only fuels this escape from the now. There is nothing wrong with mindless entertainment, but it has become the object of my desire. More than my family, more than my health and this is unacceptable.

Don’t get me wrong, I have done incredibly well financially over the last few months. The time I had spent learning and researching over the summer has allowed me to increase my net worth by over 150 percent. What else have I accomplished in that time though? Even more importantly am I blind to the fact that the method is not sustainable over time and is too reliant on market conditions. It is time to take back the reigns of life and start to monitor the stimulus that I engage with. Just because I am woke and understand the control things have over me, does not mean that I am immune to their desire or any better than the masses as life. I am human and therefor I am flawed.

Hopefully I continue to stay in this mental state. Aware of my life and focused on improvement. I want to journal daily, I want to write weekly, I want to finish my book this year. I want to do so much it is overwhelming to think about the effort that will be required. I have the knowledge and the skills to achieve what I desire, the only question is can I stay on task and resist the temptation that will distract me at any given moment. Life can be full of joy if I only can dig myself out of this dopamine seeking mentality. I need to hold this perspective and work on going back to the basics. Meditation, Diet, Exercise, and love.

Until next time…

Photo by Bakr Magrabi from Pexels

Published by A Bipolar Dad

I am a stay at home dad that needs a hobby and a way to express my feelings. This is a place for my thoughts to be stored forever, to be read or to be ignored.

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